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Key to the Universe

by The Lousy Hitchhikers

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1.
I'm the new Entertainment Commander-in-Chief My phone's blowing up, there's no relief I'm friends with the mayor and friends with his mom When I'm around, no one can stay calm Receding hairline and scraggly beard I'm on top of the world, does this seem weird? While Congress debates if aliens exist They're hanging out at my house 'cause they think I'm the shit I've already got the key to the city Now I want the key to the universe Should spend more time writing ditties Without so many syllables in each verse There's a statue of me at city hall And a ten foot mural of me on the wall I'm an economic engine beyond belief Got too much to do, so the song will be brief I've conquered the world and done my part Now they've come from other worlds to hear my art I'd like to take a day off to get some rest But these crazy gray dudes want me to be their guest I've already got the key to the city Now I want the key to the universe I ain't got time to look pretty. Gotta get this huge crowd of fans to disperse I've already got the key to the city Now I want the key to the universe I ain't got time to look pretty. Won't be long before I'm in the back of a hearse I've already got the key to the city Now I need the key to the universe When everything's looking pretty shitty Hang out with me and it won't get worse
2.
Play half-assed bass in a part time band Not giving a damn is your personal brand Main income stream is from stuff you pawn Rarely in bed before break of dawn Don't seem to have a care in the world And can roll with however a night unfurls It's exhausting to watch for just one night How in hell can this be your life? You're always partying Don't know the last time you had a job You're at the center of every festive mob Shouldn't be feasible to do it all Yet you never seem to hit the proverbial wall Can talk to anyone, regardless of station Speak the language of every generation Uncanny knack to make new friends While the old ones wonder how it ends You're always partying Adored for your charm Beloved for your wit Admired for your stamina You'll never quit You're always partying
3.
When I close my eyes, I don't sleep, I don't dream Trying to get meaningful rest is like swimming upstream What used to be early is now way too late And the 24th hour is by far the longest of the day Because it's two minutes to two minutes to midnight And every minute feels like a lifetime Yeah it's two minutes to two minutes to midnight It's really late, and I'm still wide-eyed 11:56 didn't used to be late Now I'm watching the clock, I'm wide awake And falling asleep is like an endless mountain to climb While running on a giant hamster wheel of time Because it's two minutes to two minutes to midnight And every minute's an eternal lifetime Yeah it's two minutes to two minutes to midnight It's dark outside but my brain's still burning bright Because it's two minutes to two minutes to midnight And every minute feels like a lifetime Yeah it's two minutes to two minutes to midnight It's really late, and I'm still wide-eyed
4.
Another morning I'm working hard to minimize my path of destruction But we all know that if I'm around, I add an element of dysfunction The dynamic gets wacky and things get out hand Things are said that shouldn't be said without some kind of plan And I can't take it back No I can't take it back No I can't take it back Without warning, I'll say something that obviously hasn't been thought through And once it's out there in the ether it's almost impossible to undo Might be funny, might be awkward, might make someone cringe I might not be totally tactless, but I'm definitely on the fringe And I can't take it back No I can't take it back No I can't take it back I put my foot in my mouth Now someone's yelling really loud Wish I knew what it was all about Yet inevitably it's gonna come out And I can't take it back No I can't take it back No I can't take it back

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released March 14, 2024

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The Lousy Hitchhikers Winston Salem, North Carolina

Rock from Winston-Salem, NC.

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